The Life of a Psycho in the Making

CSI 5 Finale... Worth the tears. Grabe I was tearing up when George Eads was pointing the gun at himself when the rest of them were digging him up.

Oh man, this show has got to win an Emmy for that.

Anyway, I sprained my ankle today. My first sprained ankle... It's all swollen and it hurts like hell. As for how I got it, I'm a very clumsy person is all I can say.

Lost tommorrow. I can't believe they're going to kill Boone in the first season. I mean too soon for a major character death.

I need to rest now. But gotta watch CSI:NY first. Didn't catch it yesterday...

---->Anna-san

^_________^

I'm really happy to see MAC again. Felt so much like home.

Even DLSU doesn't give the comfort SPCP has.

I can't wait to start practicing with them again for the 10 year Concert. Kahit DLSU Chorale na ko, I owe a lot to MAC. Hopefully I could still balance my sched and be able to do everything.

Chorale practice starts tomorrow but I'm so tired right now and COMPRO1's starting to get to my nerves. Ms. Shirley's been giving all of us a hard time with C programming.

Supposedly it's chicken feed to me but the coding conventions, writing codes, the all-or-nothing grading... It sucks. And to hell with Filipino. It's useless. And I still can't accept that they changed the Filipino language with the "ispeling" and "pronunsasyon". Instead of "enerhiya" we now use "enerji". That being the New Filipino Language.

Anyway, I'm tired. Watch Saiyuki Reload Gunlock, take a nap, eat, watch LOST, then off to bed.

----->Anna-san

Oh my friggin' god!

I'm in! I got in DLSU Chorale!

I don't believe it. After choking in the audition, they still let me through.

I'm so gonna celebrate. Who wants to go to lunch with me on the weekend?

^_____________________________________^

I'm going to sleep now so I can tell the world tomorrow, bright and early.

On another note, I sang Sana'y Wala ng Wakas in front of my class this afternoon in Filipino. Got a 4.0 for recitation though I still missed the high notes. Really embarrasing. Didn't do justice to MAC.

Sorry fellow MACers.

Anyway, I'll be in happy land for a while. Good night!

------>Anna-san

I got the time for the DLSU chorale auditions this morning...

Tomorrow at 6pm... Hell I'm nervous. But I think it's going to be all right. Got encouraging messages from a few friends. And even if I don't make it, I have my studies to focus on... Dean's lister.

There was this one condition about missing a term if I got in. I wasn't really sure but my dad said it was okay. He signed it anyway. Although I never mentioned anything to Mama... She never asked so I guess she'll just have to find out after the audition. Hopefully she won't freak about missing a term. And the possible travel expenses.

I'm not counting my chickens. I'm not even in yet.

I have to make up my mind of what to sing. Maybe my MAC audition song. Payapang Daigdig. Or something else... I don't know but I need a song.

Don't really have a voice right now. But hopefully by tomorrow, I get it back...

Fuck... I'm really nervous.

---->Anna-san

We have a new pet!

It's a kitty. A white persian kitten...



We named her Eliza after Eliza Thornberry. We had Enzo name her. We thought of going with an Addams Family theme at first since we named our dog Fester. My dad had Mortisha in mind or Wednesday but it didn't really look like any of those names.

We got it from Enzo's ninong Vic. He has 2 white persian cats that gave birth to 3 white female persian kittens and 1 black and white male kitten.



My brother Enzo's playing with her in the picture. She's staying in our room since we can't let her loose in the house. She goes into little nooks and crannies so it would be hard to find her if she was downstairs.

My sister hates her. She doesn't like the cat because it gets all the attention. Boo-hoo... Live with it bitch...


(Just to prove that it's actually ours)

Right now, she's asleep on top of the printer. Isn't that cute?

Anyway, just wanted to show her off. ^___________^

------>Anna-san

I'm not into writing in my LJ too much anymore.

I even thought of deleting it since I seemed to have cut my life off from other people.

It's not because I'm thinking cynically like, They really don't care what's going on in my life so why bother?, or Nobody gives a shit about me.

I believe I already surpassed my self-pity phase after the emotional roller coaster that is high school.

LJ's some sort of sanctuary for the troubled youth. I mean most online journals are. You read other people's entries and you get to know about their life and how shitty school is. And that's their reason for updating their lives online.

As for me, I'm just lazy. I don't write because there's nothing to write. I'm bored and I do nothing here at home except eat, watch tv, surf online, and sleep.

And I rather not expose myself to other people maybe for the reason that I'm afraid of being judged. Or maybe that I am just a sloth.

So to make up for my lack of updates, I'll give you a brief rundown of my summer activities (I'm relishing my summer days because I'm a week away from entering college).

After grad, My family and I spent the Holy Week in Tagaytay with my cousins and my niece. The week after that, my mom convinced me to go on a diet so she enrolled me on a weight loss program for a month. I lost 10 pounds after a month and I'm still going at it without working out. Then a few weeks ago I started to write fanfiction again.

Yes. I'm writing fanfics again due to boredom. I re-wrote my crossover from the beginning which I reposted on FF.net. Check it out if you have the time.

Last week I enrolled myself in DLSU. Next week's the 2-day orientation then the week after that is the first day of classes.

I don't care if no body reads this but here's my life so far so when I see you again, you don't need to ask what I've been doing.

---->Anna-san

18...

Well not until 4:00 in the afternoon. That was the time I was born 18 years ago.

But then instead of treating it special, I'll just sleep in the whole day.

I enrolled this morning... it got me thinking about how close I am to being independent from my parents.

I'm scared but I know I'll manage to accept all the things that may happen in my life even if it's unfavorable to me.

After all, it's all gonna be meaningless when I die.

Just 7 more years...

---->Anna-san -_-v

Ah, I thought I've finally gotten over LJ...

Yeah, enrollment today... Gah. I hate to face the real world again.

I was getting really comfortable with the solitude. Except for the siblings. They're always at home.

Usually at this time, I'm the one always out of the house but my summer activities were limited because I worry that my parents are cutting back. The house in Tagaytay took a lot of money to make then this laptop's not fully paid and my dad kept saying that we're not going out for vacation because he really has a lot to pay for.

( money rant... )

Okay, that rant is over.

Birthday's coming up. I'm celebrating a day early because Papa's going to India on the 5th.

18... I'm gonna be legal soon...

Oh and no Birthday Blues this year. I think I'm too old for a pre-birthday depression.

---->Anna-san -_-v

And Goodbye SPCP!

Maybe not... MAC lang ang babalik-balikan ko.

It hasn't sunk into my system that next school year, I am no longer going to the school I have been going to for the last 14 years of my life.

I'm starting to grow sentimental towards it.

But right now, I don't friggin' give a shit about it because I'm sleep deprived and my ass hurts from sitting the 4 hours of graduation rites.

I'm taking my nap so good afternoon.

------>Anna-san

Who wants a Gmail account?

I have 50 invites to give if ever you're interested.

More info, click HERE

*can store up to 1GB*

---->Anna-san

I cried... finally, after talking to Kim.

It's not fair... Is this something we really have to accept?

That life was only made for the purpose of dying?

It doesn't make sense until now.

Faith is for the delusional. God is only the reason for those who want to make themselves feel better.

That's why truth is essential because it's the only thing that can really assure you. Blindly believing seems really stupid.

So why aren't there answers? Why aren't we meant to know everything? Why can't we be given the chance to assure ourselves with the truth?

She wanted to live... I want to die. Why wasn't I the one who died?

I want answers. I want to be assured. I want the truth.

If not, I want to die. It's only in death that we get to know the truth.

----->Anna-san

I feel particularly empty today...

Di na ko nag-aral...

She died... I just saw her a few hours before she died... Why is it so empty? I'm suppose to feel something, right?

I was hoping she'd at least live 'til grad.

Kryzelle and I weren't really close but we shared something. She would pull me in the corner of the classroom when the teacher's not around in 3rd year and we would sing... She asked me about MAC and how she could get in...

And she did. She was part of our triumph in CMLI and she also got to be in the concert.

How come prayers don't work no matter how much you want something to happen?

This is one of the reasons why God seems far away... Possibly he doesn't exist so I guess I can't blame him.

It's a part of life... But it feels utterly empty. I guess agnosticism doesn't really devoid you from feeling... even if it's empty.

Parang ayoko mag-exam bukas. But, it's life.

------->Anna-san

Can you feel it?

It's finally starting to sink into me that we have 2 friggin' days of school left. After that exams then... High School's over.

Sir Don commended our debate saying it was one of the best.

Yeah... right.

As much I would love to believe it, I'm not totally buying it. We didn't win in accordance to our debating skills but our arguements are very powerful so we won in terms of merits. If I only had debating skills, our arguements could have been played up better.

Well, sayang. What's done is done so I don't have to worry about it anymore.

Paneling na lang tapos Ethics project sa Thursday. I'm at a loss for the 2nd and 3rd chapter. My parents don't participate in church activities. My dad doesn't even go to church. My mom's a hypocrite so why do I have to lie about it?

I have accepted the fact that my family's not that religious. I understand that it might be because they didn't have religious education so they're not that in touch with their faith. I'm not even sure if they still believe.

It's all about work. I don't think they fully understand the concept of heaven and hell. The neutrals... I wish they realize that they're not as intuned with their faith like other families are. If they want to keep pretending they believe, then I'll just sit back and wait until they all burn in hell.

Why can't anybody in this family accept that they just don't act like the Christians they believe they are.

It's so easy to hate them this way... so I'll continue to be agnostic and they can keep pretending.

*sigh*

I wanna die... right now.

------>Anna-san

Shet...

I feel so devoid of emotion... Di man lang ako umiyak nung finale namin. I feel like shooting myself in the head.

This apathy has really gone to my system. I can't even make myself cry anymore.

But I was uber happy that the show was fantastic. We rocked even though I had to be a nun(which is not my calling) to pull off a great show.

A bunch of senoirs started crying during "Hanggang sa Muli" while I was worrying: "Shit, I can't reach the note so I have to tone down..."

So there goes sentimentality.

And I thank my dad for being the best dad in the world. He sponsored the flowers we gave the teachers. Purple, red, orange and yellow tulips for the female teachers. Hehehe...

Though I realized something... I can't live without music. Singing is the only thing that keeps me happy these days. And I love MAC so much for that. Kung pwede, I'll try out for the Madrigals next year. I just don't know how though... Must get voice lessons as well.

Teka, me misa pa pala ako. Have to end this here...

-------->Anna-san

Man my legs are really aching badly. I shouldn't have gone to Banahaw. It's not worth the pain since the concert's in a week and I'm starting to worry if it's gonna turn out decent to the very least.

( ... )

Anyway, Plug lang ako:

MAC Choir Concert: Prelude to 10
January 28 and 29, 2005
6pm, Little Theatre, Cultural Arts Building
80php

Punta kayo!

------->Anna-san

Just got back from Galle. We watched Aishite Masu which is waaa~y better than Mano Po 3. The plot was good and the flow of the movie was like Titanic. Flashback of the life of an old woman who was part of the Japanese occupation in the 40's.

I applaud Dennis Trillo for carrying the role of the gay guy who was the lover of a Japanese Commander played by Jay Manalo. He practically carried the whole plot but the posters say otherwise since Judy Ann Santos and Raymark Santiago were the only ones who're there.

I must say the kiss between Dennis Trillo and Jay Manalo elevated the standards of Philippine cinema. It's my first time to actually see men being intimate in a Filipino Film. We all know how conservative the MTRCB is with homosexuality. Judy Ann played a very subtle role as the wife of a guerrilla then joining the troops when her husband died. She wasn't really the center of the story which why my father questioned the poster.

I watched the 3 Joel Lamangan Films for the film festival. Mano Po 3 wasn't that good and yet it won the major awards. Porque sikat yung mga aktor, di ibig sabihin maganda yung movie. Dennis Trillo should've won best actor instead of best supporting. He played the gay guy role and he's straight. Eric Quizon is gay so he flaunts his character naturally.

The film fest this year's... so-so. Nothing really stood out and So Happy Together sucked. Kris Aquino was really annoying and the Star Struck people were not as good as what I expected them to be. That's why SCQ pa rin ako.

Hopefully I get to see Phantom of the Opera soon despite the bad reviews it's getting in the US.

I must try to sleep early...

------->Anna-san

Bah humbug.

Christmas was just any ordinary day. Nothing really special happened. I missed the Survivor Vanuatu Reunion last night because we were in Tagaytay with no friggin' cable. It's nothing to cry about. It's okay since I'm already deep fried in apathy.

But we had a very fun time in the van while returning a Paella plate to Carlos restaurant. We were reminiscing my mom's hysterical moments.

Here's one, my mom, my sister and my little brother were eating in Popeye's in Galle. My mom was complaining about the slow service and declared in front of many people that she will never eat there again. The next day, she went to Galle with me now in tow and insisted we eat at Popeye's. We had to remind her that what she said the day before and she defended that it was her money so we're eating there.

Another one was a conversation with me on the phone. She wanted me to buy KFC for my little brother to bring to school the next day. I said: "Bucket?", and she answered: "Para nga kay Enzo bukas." And I kept asking "bucket?" and she kept explaining that it was for my brother until she realized I was asking if I'm supposed to buy a bucket. Then we laughed our heads off.

*sigh*

Sometimes she's hysterical but most of the time she's annoying.

Family reunion on the 30th and I'm not looking forward to it. My dad's hosting it and he's making all of us "participate". My relatives aren't really the most affable people...

Anyway, I'm tired. Sleep... lots of it.

------>Anna-san

4 days... I've been sick without a fever for 4 days.

If I were to be sick, it should at least come with the fever... I haven't been sick for a whole year. Last year was a nasal congestion. This year it's the same with some wheezing. Not sure if it's asthma but it's hard to breathe.

The fluids don't really do anything and so do the medicines...

What does it take to get rid of this. I want to go out of the house and do something. I missed our Simbang Gabi slots last Sunday and yesterday. I am bored here at home.

*cough, cough*

Shit... I feel the effects of Neozep... Better go sleep...

--------->Anna-san

Grabe talaga... I'm such a sloth. Can't even put effort in lying in my Parish Documentation. Di ko pa tapos...

Bahala na... I really don't give a damn about my ethics grade...

Physics bukas... Ewan ko... Magbabasa na lang ako ng book...

Music. Put some effort in studying... because you love Mommy B. And you want to prove to her that MAC is no hindrance to your academics.

I want to sing tomorrow in FFC. Sana pakantahin kami ng CMLI songs namin para malaman ng buong school kung gaano kagaling ng MAC.

I'm not over the fact we got 3rd. Haa~y...

Napikon ako dun sa balita kahapon na nagpaplano na naman ng People Power yung mga fans ni FPJ. They should just quit it because it's not helping the country...

I have to get back to making things up for my parish doc....

--------->Anna-san

Whooohooo!

I was very high today. I think I was smiling when I was asleep... And I woke up still smiling...

Mommy B's the best! She exempted me from the quiz this morning.

I was so happy the whole day that I didn't care if I failed the Filipino quiz and I didn't get to pass my book report...

Last night was so surreal that I woke up this morning asking myself if it was all a dream.

We were the last to perform... Pang-sampo kami and we thought that it must be a sign... We were singing Sampung mga Daliri... Mommy B's daughter's name's Ten-ten... Our concert in January is a prelude to 10 years of MAC... and true enough, it was a sign...

We also met again with our CCP friends from St. Stephen. They looked like they were going to prom wearing orange gowns and barongs...

We panicked after doing sound check because we thought our voices couldn't be heard even with the P12000 boom mics. So we went outside to try working on our volume. Then in the end we just stuck to our original plan. While waiting back stage where it was very dark since they don't have individual dressing rooms, it started raining and the roof started leaking. We had to move our chairs so we wouldn't get wet.

Then we decided to rehearse one last time outside just when the 7th group ws performing. My fellow S1, Janine felt the zipper of her dress starting to run and it snapped off, exposing her back. But Mommy B, along her her amazing sewing skills, patched it up just before we got on stage.

And then we got on stage, did our thing, and anxiously waited for the results. St. Scho, Marikina (again) in 1st, St. Scho, Manila in 2nd, and us with St. Theresa's in 3rd...

It turns out that we weren't supposed to be tied with St. Theresa's College. We reign the 3rd place alone. That person who announced the winners accidentally called that school. So not all of us got a medal since they gave away half of it to St. Theresa's. Nakakahiya naman if they took back what they said since they were the 1st one called and they jumped and screamed, feeling so high and happy. We get p10000, 30% going to our funds and the rest we divide amongst ourselves... that makes about 200+ for each of us... Okay lang yun...

I just can't wait for the last day. we get to sing at Medical City... Some form of caroling and I think we get paid too.

--------->Anna-san